I Am Open To The Possibilities

 

We have all heard that expression, “You teach what you need to learn.” Right now I seem to be living another expression that says, “Life gives you an experience whether or not you think you are ready!”

 

I have been facilitating women’s retreats for various churches around the country for years, but a while ago the seed was planted of producing one on my own. I remember when I was about to sign the contract and write the deposit check for my very own first Asilomar women’s retreat. That contract sat on my desk right up to the deadline when I was supposed to sign…and as I took the pen to sign my name on the dotted line – I couldn’t. I got scared. Who would come? Would I lose tons of money? I questioned my ability and doubted my worth. I felt like I was failing, but something in me just didn’t feel ready, so I called and told them no.

 

The next year, after facilitating more retreats, planning, and visualizing, this time I was ready. I was still just as scared but I signed my name to the contract, sent in my deposit money and kept affirming, “If you book it they will come.” And they did. I held my first Asilomar retreat last June with forty wonderful and inspiring women coming together to share an amazing time. I will offer another retreat there in October of this year. I’ve realized for myself that this is what growth is all about: taking baby steps until I feel ready and then I simply have to commit. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy, or that I won’t be nervous or scared about whether it will work or not – but I show up and say yes and trust that it will all work out.

 

         I find the need to exercise that trust muscle again as I prepare to facilitate a women’s retreat at a brand new facility in the Santa Cruz mountains in June called 1440 Multiversity. I was originally going to be co-facilitating with my friend Joan Borysenko, but she had a conflict and needed to cancel. So now once again Ye Old Universe is challenging me to up my game by filling the retreat by myself, trusting that my abilities as a workshop facilitator will still be a draw even to people who might not know me, working outside my safe and comfortable church community, and working in an unfamiliar place. Am I nervous about the unknown? Yes. Is my inner critic giving me all the reasons why I can’t do this? Yes.  Am I ready for this challenge? Yes. Am I willing to just show up and trust? Yes!

 

Every month at the end of Oprah’s “O” magazine she has an essay called, “What I know for sure.” Well what I know for sure is that even though these retreats are a stretch, every time I move out of my comfort zone and do them I find out new things about myself. As my chant says, “I am open to the possibility” – so I am open and willing to work my trust muscle, and know that whatever happens I get to learn more about myself.