Just Breathe…

“Before you act, listen. Before you react, think. 
Before you spend, earn.
Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.” Ernest Hemingway

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”  
 Thich Nhat Hanh 

Last month I wrote about the difference of saying “I’ve got to do this” vs “I get to do this.” I had so many people write to me about how they have used that concept in their lives as well as the expression; “I have to do this” vs.  I want to do this”… and also using the word “and” instead of “but,” and the difference words can make.

This month I want to go a little deeper with the idea of not only what our words communicate, but how our tone of voice can make all the difference in what we really want to say.

This was brought home to me the other day when I had lunch out with a friend. We were sitting outside in this restaurant’s patio which only had a sidewalk between us and the area where a car could park. We were up on a little riser and elevated from the street just a bit. A big loud truck pulled in right next to us and instead of turning off his engine when he came in to get his take-out food, he kept the motor running. The fumes from his engine plus the noise from it had my friend and I gasping for air and getting justifiably upset. When my friend started coughing, it triggered my mama bear instinct to tell this guy to move his car. Let’s just say I am pretty sure the tone in my voice was not one of love and peace and kittens. No matter what “nice” words I said to him about turning off the engine or moving his car, I am sure that what came through was the undercurrent of being angry and judgmental. Because of that exchange I probably triggered him, and I had to get up a few times to see what was taking him so long. When he left, he gunned his motor so that all of us got a taste of his exhaust and his opinion of being told what to do.

I chewed on this for the rest of the day and realized what a totally different situation could have happened if I would have just taken a breath and said the exact same words I said but with a totally different tone to my voice, a tone that had some understanding and compassion. Who knows what he was going through – sure he could have just been a rude person, but maybe there are other factors. I think of the Peace Song that says “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with ME.” I (once again!) remembered the lesson of stopping and breathing before I react. (Maybe this idea could have helped Will Smith out at the Oscars – but that’s a whole other story I won’t go into!) I think the whole world is so on edge and suffering from all we have been through with Covid and now all that is happening in Ukraine, that maybe we all just need to take a breath and try to be kind to each other. It is a practice, and as the lyrics to my song I am giving you this month says: “Just Breathe”…..